My Son Is A Narc

My son is 10 and he’s basically a narc. Is that the right word for him? More or less, he tells his mother everything I do. EVERYTHING! I swear in traffic, he tells his mother. Mix the whites and darks while doing the laundry to save time, he tells his mother. I sneak a nap, he tells his mother. I bribe him with candy to do something I don’t want to fight with him about, and right before I hand the candy over, I wink and say, “Don’t tell your mother about this.” He agrees and immediately tells his mother.

I know his allegiance is 100 percent with his mother. And I’ll be honest right now, I assumed that we’d have some sort of special father and son bond. Something that can only be shared by two men, where all secrets are sacred, and if one of us says, “Don’t tell your mother about this,” and the other agrees, it is basically a blood oath.

But no.

At least once a month I hear, “Tristan tells me…” from my wife, and I know before she finishes the sentence that the little turd sold me out.

But here’s the kicker.

Here’s the most frustrating part about my son being a narc. He follows his mother’s directions as if they were scripture, and I know that he is 100 percent honest with her, even if it means throwing his own father under the bus. In so many ways, all of this shows integrity, and I can’t help but respect him for it. Even as I’m getting in trouble with my wife as he watches from the sidelines, sporting a dimpled grin.

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