Mel and I often play a game I call “Would You Love Me If…?” Basically I hit Mel with a hypothetical future situation to see how she will react. Her responses are always hilarious, and… well… a little telling. Here are a few examples.
Me: Would you still love me if I lost all our money gambling and we had to live in a van down by the river?
Mel: Will we still have chocolate?
Me: Yes. But not as much.
Mel: No deal.
Me: Would you still love me if I insisted on screaming everything I said? YOU KNOW! LIKE THIS!
Mel (places fingers in ears): How is that any different than living with our daughter?
Me: I assumed you held me at a higher standard.
Me: Would you still love me if I lost my hand in an accident, but instead of a prosthetic hand, I wore a chainsaw?
*makes chainsaw sound with mouth.
Mel: Yes, because you’d finally get around to cutting down that tree in the front yard.
Me: Would you still love me if I stopped wearing underwear?
Mel: It would be difficult. I’d probably see a good 10% more crack when you bend over.
Me: Maybe you should have thought about that before you put a ring on it.
Mel: You’re serious, aren’t you?
Me: You will know the answer to that question next time I bend over.
Me: Would you still love me if I became a vegetarian?
Mel: Well… yeah. I’m a vegetarian.
Me: Yeah, but if we are both vegetarians that would make us snobs.
Mel: Not necessarily.
Mel: You’re right.
Me: Would you still love me if I lost my job and had to sell all my organs to make ends meet?
Mel: Would you still have your heart?
Me: I see where are going.
Me: Would you still love me if I were so obsessed with Thor that I spent all our money on surgeries to look like him?
Mel: Will you have a mighty… Hammer?
Me: Would you still love me if I insisted we join a nudist colony.
Mel: I don’t see how that would be much different than raising our children.
Me: Would you still love me if I stopped loving you?
Mel: Could you ever stop loving me?
Mel: Then let’s not worry about it.