WOULD YOU LOVE ME IF?

 

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Mel and I often play a game I call “Would You Love Me If…?” Basically I hit Mel with a hypothetical future situation to see how she will react. Her responses are always hilarious, and… well… a little telling. Here are a few examples.

 

Me: Would you still love me if I lost all our money gambling and we had to live in a van down by the river?

Mel: Will we still have chocolate?

Me: Yes. But not as much.

Mel: No deal.

 

Me: Would you still love me if I insisted on screaming everything I said? YOU KNOW! LIKE THIS!

Mel (places fingers in ears): How is that any different than living with our daughter?

Me: I assumed you held me at a higher standard.

*shrugs

 

Me: Would you still love me if I lost my hand in an accident, but instead of a prosthetic hand, I wore a chainsaw?

*makes chainsaw sound with mouth.

Mel: Yes, because you’d finally get around to cutting down that tree in the front yard.

 

Me: Would you still love me if I stopped wearing underwear?

Mel: It would be difficult. I’d probably see a good 10% more crack when you bend over.

Me: Maybe you should have thought about that before you put a ring on it.

Mel: You’re serious, aren’t you?

Me: You will know the answer to that question next time I bend over.

 

Me: Would you still love me if I became a vegetarian?

Mel: Well… yeah. I’m a vegetarian.

Me: Yeah, but if we are both vegetarians that would make us snobs.

Mel: Not necessarily.

*awkward silence.

Mel: You’re right.

 

Me: Would you still love me if I lost my job and had to sell all my organs to make ends meet?

Mel: Would you still have your heart?

Me: I see where are going.

*wink

 

Me: Would you still love me if I were so obsessed with Thor that I spent all our money on surgeries to look like him?

Mel: Will you have a mighty… Hammer?

 

Me: Would you still love me if I insisted we join a nudist colony.

Mel: I don’t see how that would be much different than raising our children.

 

Me: Would you still love me if I stopped loving you?

Mel: Could you ever stop loving me?

Me: No.

Mel: Then let’s not worry about it.

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