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I’ve been married for 11+ years and it’s taken me a long time to get to the point of admitting that I’ve been an idiot from time to time. I’ve unwittingly said some really stupid things to my wife. I said a few whoppers when she was pregnant. And I said some really asinine things when we were engaged. So I’m going to have a conversation with my former self in hopes that those of you reading this can learn from my mistakes.


I don’t really care what we do at the wedding. You worry about that. I’ll worry about the honeymoon (wink).


Oh… so you are in it for sex. Good call, Clint. You just told your future wife that you are not all that interested in celebrating your new life together. You’re just interested in getting laid. Well… the fact is, you don’t need marriage to get laid. What you need marriage for is companionship and life long love. You are gaining someone to go through the ups and down of life with. Hell… this woman is the future mother of your children. But there you are, thinking about your dick. Check it out. This is the start of your new life together. Get excited about the wedding. It will show your wife that you are interested in her and your new life together and not just getting in her pants. Which is true… right? Yes. It. Is. So show it.


We don’t need to pay for a photographer. How hard is it to take a few photos? I know a lot of people that can use a camera.


Great idea! Let’s get one of your stupid ass friends to take the photos. Then, 10 years down the road, when you are looking at bad angles and smudged pictures because Carl could keep his dirty hands off the lens, you will realize just how big of a cheap jackass you were. Here’s the thing. You are going to be looking at those photos for years. They will be hanging in your home. You will be posting them online when celebrating your anniversary. If you keep being an asshole you are going to be crying over them after signing divorce papers. Pictures are important. They show who you were, and who you’ve become. Don’t blow that.


Why are you crying again? If planning a wedding is really that stressful then let’s just elope.


Stop acting like a jerk. Yes. Planning a wedding is stressful. Yes, your fiancé is going to cry. Get over it. She has looked forward to this day since she was a little girl. Recognize that and stop trying to down play it. Here’s the thing with marriage. Your wife is going to get excited about things you don’t care about, and your job as a husband is to be supportive of what she enjoys. She will do the same for you, I assure you. And the first example of all of this is the wedding. Stop being a dream crusher. Just put your arms around her, listen, and tell her she’s still the one you want. Because she is.


Your mother is driving me nuts. This is our wedding. Not hers.


Clint! Know your place. You are new to the family. Your mother-in-law started it all when she gave birth to the woman you want to spend your life with. Listen, I get it. Everyone wants your opinion, but when you give it, you are just being difficult. It sucks. But here’s the other side of the equation. The moment your fiancé’s mother had a daughter she started thinking about that girl’s wedding. There is so much backstory that you are just now getting the tail end of. Don’t get all worked up like you own this thing. And don’t make your future mother-in-law feel like giving her daughter to you is a mistake. Just roll with it. Be supportive and don’t trash talk your new family. Help by finding a compromise. Don’t start arguments, and realize that this is a big deal. In fact, sometimes being supportive means shutting up.


Ever since we starting planning this wedding you have been a different person.


Good job stating the obvious dumb ass. Yes, planning a wedding makes a woman crazy/weepy/ragey. You knew this. A million people told you, and you saw it on a million TV shows. No surprises. But that doesn’t invalidate her thoughts and feelings, or mean that the wedding isn’t important. Sure… she asked you what flavor cake you wanted. You said red velvet. She wanted chocolate. Now you are fighting because she didn’t take your suggestion. That doesn’t mean you need to act like she has a serious problem. The only problem she has is planning what she has built up to be the biggest day of her life up to that point. There will be bigger moments in your lives together, I assure you. But what you need to realize right now is that this is all temporary. She is still the woman you love and asked to spend your life with. You are in this together. Don’t react with anger. React with compassion.


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