10 Crazy things I’ve said while changing my toddler’s diaper

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I don’t know what it is about changing my toddler’s diaper, but it seems to turn high stress much quicker than it should. They never want to hold still. Or they always want to stick their hand in it. And I find myself saying some crazy things. Here are a few examples.

 

Why are you crying? I’m handling your poop. I should be crying.

 

Get your hand out of it! No. No. Don’t touch me. I don’t want your poop hand. Oh!!! Don’t put it in your mouth.

 

Stop kicking me there! Do you even appreciate what I’m doing for you? You know what, fine! Keep kicking me there. I don’t care anymore. I’m done having children. I hope you’re happy.

 

Stop laughing. I got it on my hand. It’s not funny. How would you like it if I laughed at you? Ok. Fine. I will. Ha Ha! You can’t use the toilet. See. It hurts.

Great.

Now I’m laughing.

 

Why is it so sticky? What did you eat, silly putty? I know. I know. It hurts your bum. I’m sorry. But it’s not coming off. It’s. Just. Not. Coming. Off! You know what, fine. It’s fine. Good enough.

 

Wait… where are the diapers? Listen, kid. You don’t have any pants on. I need you to keep it all inside while I grab more diapers. Can I trust you? Don’t lie to me…

 

If you don’t hold still I swear I will tie you down!

 

NO! NO! You’ve got a binky in your mouth (reaches for binky across the room). Lay still. Damn it! Now you got it on the carpet. I swear I’m going to light your binky’s on fire. Stop smiling.

 

You little liar! You said you were done.

 

You must be the only person I know who can be covered in poop and still be cute.

 

 

What are some of the crazy things you’ve said while changing a diaper?

 

 

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