15 things YOU would love to do to your children’s future cars

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Photo by Raíssa Viza

Last week I published a list of things I’d love to do to my children’s future car. It was picked up by the Huffington Post, and the comments have been hilarious. I went through and collected what I felt were the whoppers. So… here are a few of the things YOU would love to do to your children’s future cars.

 

  1. I will try to get the driver to turn around after an hour of driving because I forgot my favorite DS game on an extremely long car trip. Then I will scream so loudly that I puke…

 

  1. Lick my hand and smear it on the window.

 

  1. Eat a melted Kit Kat and decide the door upholstery is a good place to wipe my hands.

 

  1. Blow my nose way too many times on ONE Kleenex before insisting the driver take it, during a left hand turn.

 

  1. Leave used tissues in the door handle and leave my stinky socks in the car.

 

  1. I will scream at the top of my lungs every time I drop my toy car until someone pulls over and hands it to me.

 

  1. Wrap an apple core in a paper towel during the heat of summer, and shove it behind the cup holder so that NO ONE can find it until…they do.

 

  1. I will pour milk from my not yet empty cup all over the back leather seats.

 

  1. I will slap my cousins in the face when they sit next to me.

 

  1. I will demand that the driver type in the video on YouTube that I like, you know, that one with the girl, who does the thing? And when the driver tells me she doesn’t know which video I’m talking about, I will call her a liar, and tell her that I don’t like her spaghetti, even though I totally do.

 

  1. Promise not to eat the mini candy cane but then unwrap it and stuff the whole thing in my mouth so I don’t get caught, causing me to projectile vomit on the backseat, the window, and ceiling of the car and then cry because I have vomit on me which will then result in more vomiting.

 

  1. Scream “Banana” hard enough to give the driver whiplash every time a yellow car passes.

 

  1. Leave every single jacket I own in the backseat. Maybe a shoe too, for good measure. Then tell them I can’t find any as we are trying to leave for work on time the next morning.

 

  1. Get a milkshake that I know I shouldn’t have because I’m lactose intolerant, then drive 30 minutes to a rural area with no bathrooms, then activate the child-proof locks so they can’t roll down the window…and then just let the magic happen.

 

  1. Ask for a drink and when they hand it to me refuse to take it then when they give up trying to get me to take it Ill scream at the top of my lungs because I want a drink. And repeat…
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