18 Things YOUR husband never should’ve done when you were pregnant

Image by Jacob Botter
I published a list of things I never should’ve said to my wife while pregnant on Scary Mommy. It went viral, and ended up with some
hilarious comments. I sorted through them and found some of the best.
1.    
My husband (while I was pregnant with my first
child) said, “Why are you so freaked out about giving birth, cows do it all the
time”. Seriously…cows.
2.    
Haha! I cried like a baby because I dropped my
M&M Blizzard. I mean sat down in the driveway and balled my eyes out! He
thought I was crazy. I was devastated damn it!!!
3.    
“Ew, look at your feet!”
4.    
At least he didn’t say “your vomiting is
psychosomatic, you’re only throwing up because you just think that’s what
pregnant women are supposed to do” and “you’re never in the mood anymore, this
isn’t what I signed up for”. Yes, my husband said those exact things to me. More
than once.
5.    
When I was pregnant with my first, my husband
heard me once complaining that I felt as big as a planet. He deemed it
appropriate to say, “No, you’re more like a house. You have a tenant.”
6.    
My husband looked at my stomach while I was
getting dressed to leave the hospital after having our first child and asked, “Is
that your stomach?”…news flash…stomach doesn’t just disappear overnight after
the baby comes out.
He did learn and by the second child he did
not say anything…
7.    
Mine said “its just so big & weird” like a
week before I gave birth and then asked why it hadn’t gone away when I was
leaving the hospital. Asshole.
8.    
Shortly after I gave birth I was walking to the
NICU to visit my almost 6 lb. 34 week baby, the nurse said it was hard to
believe I just had a baby…meaning I was getting around so well. Baby’s father
looked down at my belly and said, “It is hard to believe.” Asshole.
9.    
I cried in the mall getting a Cinnabun during my
3rd trimester. My husband said he didn’t want one, but I figured I’d get them
for the next morning and bought him one anyway. He looked at me and said, “You
got me one? I told you I didn’t want one.” I bawled my eyes out right there in
middle if the mall and said through sniffles and tears, “I just find it hard to
believe someone wouldn’t want a Cinnabun.” So my advice is to just eat the damn
Cinnabun.
10. Mine
wouldn’t make me a sandwich at midnight when I was 2 weeks away because he was
sleeping. My bawling freaked him out so bad he made it for me 🙂 ham sammiches
are serious bidness!!
11. My
husband, when I was pregnant with our first child said to me, “GOD! You are so
overly emotional!” I threw a coffee cup at him.
12. Third
trimester I heard, “I’m so tired.” If looks could kill.
13. During
labor, my hubby said something to the effect of “just go with it, this is
natural, women have babies all the time” and I said “c’mere. I feel like
grabbing and twisting your nuts just so you have a small inkling on how much
this hurts!” and then I made my sister in law escort him from the room before I
made good on my threat.
14. “I
think it hurt more when I injured my knee.”
15. Pregnant
with twins I was talking a bath and needed help getting up so I wouldn’t slip,
so I asked for help getting out, his response, “want me to get the Crisco.” I knew
he was joking, but really?!
16. Me:
why would they make maternity shorts so short
Husband: they’re not short babe, they just
look short because they’re so wide…
17. When
I was pregnant I could not get enough of the cheap .99 burritos. But when I ate
them, which was often, I needed three. Always three. I came home one day and my
husband had dared to eat one. First I cried because what the hell am I going to
do with just two burritos?! And then I cried because I knew I would still be
hungry. And then I cried because it meant he didn’t love me. Ahhhh good times
18. One
day I missed an appointment I think in the beginning of my third trimester, so
of course I started crying and freaking out because I’d have to reschedule and
my husband said to me, “You’ll be fine. Cave women didn’t have to go to the
doctor all the time and they had babies.”
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Clint Edwards was blessed with a
charming and spitfire wife, a video game obsessed little boy, a snarky
little girl in a Cinderella play dress, and an angry baby girl. When Clint was 9-years-old his father
left. With no example of fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and
husband through trial and error. His work has been featured in Good
Morning America
, The New York Times,
The
Washington Post
, The
Huffington Post
, Scary
Mommy
, The Good
Men Project
, Fast
Company
, and elsewhere. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook and
Twitter.  

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Comments
  • Luke Oakridge

    Some of these are funny and some of these are obviously things that husbands shouldn't say, but I disagree with some of these. The husband shouldn't be forced to eat if he isn't hungry. He shouldn't have things thrown at him because we wouldn't accept him doing that to her. He can be tired too. Twisting his nuts could do permanent damage and cause sterilization which pregnancy normally doesn't. Finally the last guy is correct that the pregnancy will be okay if she misses one doctor's appointment. I understand that pregnancy is a very stressful time, but that doesn't mean that the wife shouldn't care about the husband at all.