10 Quotes from my son that scare the crap out of me

My son is 7. He says a lot of things that make we worry
about his future, his motivations, and his hygiene. Here are a few examples.
Me: When was the last time you changed your underwear?
Tristan: I don’t know. A week or something. I don’t
understand why this is a big deal.
Me: Why do you keep peeing on the floor?
Tristan (shrugs): Because it’s funny.
Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Tristan: A scientist, Pokémon Trainer, or a guy that beats
people up for money.
Me: Why didn’t you clean your room?
Tristan (somber scary face): Because it’s where I hide…
things.
Tristan: Can you help me make a Minecraft YouTube video? I
want to be like StampyLongNose.
Me: Bath night.
Tristan: (Long. Agonizing. Moan.)
Me: Calm down. You’re acting like a drug addict.
Tristan: If drugs are like sugar then that sounds fun.
Tristan: You have to be pretty old to be a dad. Like 16.
Tristan (pointing at man pushing grocery cart full of empty
cans): Bet that guy makes A LOT of money.
Tristan: Why would someone give you a job?
Me: Because I went to college.
Tristan (laughing): College.

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Clint Edwards was blessed with a
charming and spitfire wife, a video game obsessed little boy, a snarky
little girl in a Cinderella play dress, and an angry baby girl. When Clint was 9-years-old his father
left. With no example of fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and
husband through trial and error. His work has been featured in Good
Morning America
, The New York Times,
The
Washington Post
, The
Huffington Post
, Scary
Mommy
, The Good
Men Project
, Fast
Company
, and elsewhere. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook and
Twitter

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