Why I Hate Pokémon

Photo by Lucinda Higley

 

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I’ve mentioned this in a few posts, but my seven-year-old
son is obsessed with Pokémon. It drives me crazy! Part of the problem is that I
found Pokémon so nerdy when I was growing up, that the second he started
getting into it, my knee jerk reaction was to a strong desire to steal
Tristan’s lunch money. But I suppose it goes a little deeper than that. Here is
a list.
I worry that Pokémon
is teaching my son to illegally train animals to fight for sport:
Pokémon
revolves around a group of kids wandering from town to town with animals
they’ve trained to fight. They set up battles with other “trainers” and their
animals. In the real world these people are not called trainers, they are cock-fighting
managers living in Tijuana.
We couldn’t possibly catch
them all, so financially, it’s killing the kid:
As of right now, there are
719 Pokémon. That’s 719 cards and a shit ton of stuffed animals, games,
posters, coloring pages, and numerous other pointless products for the kid to
buy. I have to assume these damn things are breeding, or they are discovering
more of them, so this number will go up. We mostly ask that he uses his own
money to buy Pokémon items (he gets money from a point system we set up), and
he spends the majority of it on Poke cards and such. It’s a never-ending money
hole.
I’m worried that he
is going to one day make this video, which will, in turn, make me deny that I
ever knew him:
The way he keeps repeating
“Pikachu” gives me crazy thoughts
: Pokémon repeat their names over and over
again with different influxes in tone. Tristan does this, and it is so
irritating that I often imagine going back in time and killing the inventor of Pokémon.
The show hypnotizes
him:
If Pokémon is on TV, the kid is worthless. He responds to nothing. I
literally have to turn off the show and then wait 10 minutes for him to stop
throwing a fit before I can get his attention again.
He worries about his Pokémon
cards more than anything:
Just a little while ago we drove from Oregon to Arizona
(18 hours). On the drive, Tristan suddenly had to use the restroom. We made an
emergency stop (something I hate doing on a 12 hour drive). Once at a gas
station, I went to get him out of the car, but he wouldn’t move because he lost
one of his poke cards. The kid kept searching the ground with one hand, while
holding his butt with the other. I literally had to pick him up and carry him
into the restroom kicking and screaming. This is not healthy.
Pokémon is really the
only thing he wants to talk about, and I hate it
: Tristan likes to ask me
bullshit questions about Pokémon.
“What is Pikachu plus Bulbasaur?”
“I have no idea. Two?”
“Charmeleon,” he said. Then he rolls his eyes like I’m a
moron.
But if I ask him what he learned today in school, he says he
doesn’t remember. Tristan can tell me the damage on nearly any Pokémon. He can
tell me which ones are water types, flying types, and electric types. He knew
their back-stories. What land they are from. And yet, if I ask him about
school, his day, anything other than Pokémon, he says he can’t remember. It
frustrates the hell out of me.
Pokémon is like a
virus:
It’s spreading, people. Every time Tristan brings over a new friend,
he introduces them to Pokémon, and the next time they come over, they share his
obsession. All it takes is once, and they are hooked. It’s serious. Keep your
kids safe.

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Clint Edwards was blessed with a charming and spitfire wife, a video
game obsessed little boy, and a snarky little girl in a Cinderella play
dress. When Clint was 9-years-old his father left. With no example of
fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and husband through trial
and error. His essays on parenting and marriage have been featured in New York Times Motherlode, Huffington Post Parents, Huffington Post Weddings, and The Good Men Project. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
Photo by Lucinda Higley
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Comments
  • Eduardo Mucino

    Man, I know how exactly you feel. From what you wrote on the blog, your son has a Pokediction. A Pokediction is like any other addiction, it will take lots of time and effort to stop, especially when the addiction is so sentimental to your son. Have you tried putting your son into any clubs or sport activities to keep him busy, at least busy enough to stop him thinking about pokemon, because sometimes obsessions can lead into other obsessions that are even worse than the last ones. I do hope your son grows out of this "Pokediction."